1. Don't MOAN. If you have a problem, and it's valid, we'll fix it.
2. Don't whinge - especially after you have left. Read number 1 again.
3. Be honest. We are.
4. Please don't iron in the rooms - there's a sign about this - it trips the circuits.
5. Don't retune the TV's, you don't need to.
6. Do NOT take souvenirs. That's stealing.
7. Sure, take the soap and toilet roll if you want you. But gee, the towel ???
8. Don't have parties - the other guests deserve their privacy.
9. Wash up after you've used the free kitchen implements and plates and cutlery - we're not your servants.
10. When your kids pee on the linen, please pull it off the bed before we start airing and cleaning the unit.
11. We understand that your kids will litter the yard with empty chip packets and the like, but we think less of you as adults when you don't clean up behind them.
12. We have had thousands of visitors from all over the world. We have seen and heard a lot. Nothing much surprises us any more. Please don't try to break this comfort zone of ours.
13. We've hosted a Japanese Television crew filming our Guest House.
14. We hosted a full rugby team of youngsters from the Jockey Club in Argentina. I personally helped them cook pasta for 17 hungry young players. Luckily I speak a bit of Spanish.
15. The dude who borrowed our carving knife and then set about cutting up 10 kilos of calamari into rings on our guest kitchen zinc - stay elsewhere in future please. The knife can't even cut margarine light now.
16. The Koreans who cooked fish in our two ovens and never cleaned up afterwards...take care, we'll go to Korea one day - and probably have a braai in the market square or something similar. Now, with no dogs, who's gonna eat the BONES, huh ?
17. Hey we've had a MAJORITY of GREAT people staying here. Bless them - may their smiling faces continue to inherit the fortunes that life can give to people with a positive approach.
18. Don't con us.
19. To Chris Botha and Peter Fismer, both of whoms' cheques for over 3 grand each bounced, you're the reason that we flatly refuse to take cheques under any circumstances. If you happen to read this, we hope that the view is good from behind those bars, for no doubt that is where you landed up. Otherwise, pay up and we'll remove your name from here. That's a promise - and we KEEP our promises.
20. Never try to think you're superior.
21. Never underestimate us.
22. We have a business deal - you're paying to stay on our premises and use our facilities.
23. We offer a lot - it has cost us a lot - and continues to do so. Be appreciative.
24. If you wanna know anything - just ask. One night a lady had a  serious asthma attack. We DROVE our car in front of their car right to the hospital door because of the urgency. Charge them ? Don't be silly.
25. Be human - we are.

If any of the above is offensive or contrary to your thinking, then please just keep on lookin'.